Do you renovate your house by yourself? Do you fix your car by yourself? Why do you think you can fix your relationship by yourself. Your car gets a pretty frequent tune up and your house can be inspected for value and issues. When was the last time you had real conversations with your significant other and how to improve the relationship? Many of us do not want to be judged. Many of us do not like our personalities and actions to be critiqued. This is completely normal but admitting our shortcomings, or even having them pointed out when we didn’t realize they were there, can only help us to improve our relationship given it is done respectfully. If you think ‘Oh I’ll just do a spell for happiness’ or “I can do a spell for finances’ will fix issues in your marriage, you would be sadly mistaken. Those things might help but relationships go deeper than magic ever could.
Being responsible, being accountable, building, protecting, mystery, surprise, playfulness, consistency, routine, rituals, traditions, a solid base are all important. Boundaries, limits, predictability, exploration, discovery, adventure, risk taking, and more are needed. You can’t solve intimate and personal issues with spells and sex toys. Being understood and loved on your terms is needed to maintain a successful relationship.
Therapy should not be about accusations and putting your significant other down. It should be about pointing out what you feel is not working and what can be done to fix it. Complaining for the sake of complaining does not lead anywhere. A solution needs to be suggested and even the way you discuss it needs to be respectful. This is the person you love so why would you ever disrespect them?
You do not even have to be having issues to go to couple’s therapy. Many couples go early on to mitigate issues before they become large and feelings get hurt. Unfortunately, we have an entire generation that does not tolerate frustration or critique, when things don’t work they will throw them away and get a new one, they don’t know how to reinvent on location, and hookup culture does not prepare you for a stable relationship. There are even couple’s who love each other truly but confrontation is so hard that they will let major things go when all that is needed is a boundary and to speak up. Some don’t even realize they did something wrong until you speak up. Sexual nomadism can be fantastic but it does not prepare you for a committed relationship.
Many never ask how can I do better for myself and my partner? Life hits you with so many things that do not have to do with love. How is your relationship going to survive? Accountability matters. Communication matters. You can talk about making a difference and improving your relationship or you can actually make a difference and actively work towards those goals. Sometimes having that neutral third party sitting in can really help you to steer your relationship in the right direction and learn about yourself and why you do the things you do.
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