One key to healthy relationships is to understand the different types of love. Everyone gives and receives love differently. Everyone understands and interprets love differently. Not only that, but our love language and understanding of our partner’s love language will also dictate how we give and receive love and how successful our relationships will be.
9 Different Types of Greek Love
Eros: (from the Greek deity Eros, god of love, fertility, and desire, the equivalent of Cupid in Roman mythology) is passionate, romantic love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word erota means in love. Eros is a fiery, intense form of love which arouses sexual and romantic feelings. The Ancient Greeks were actually quite fearful of this love. They thought that because human beings have an instinctual impulse to procreate, that this love was so powerful it would result in a loss of control. Although the Ancient Greeks thought this kind of love was dangerous, it was still the kind of love that is associated with passionate, sexual love.
Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. With eros love, people let go of their boundaries and get very physically and emotionally involved. This can be a time when people can’t get enough of being with their partner or lover. However, it’s for these reasons that eros was thought to be a dangerous type of love by the ancient Greeks, because of how it made people lose control. Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. For some people, this intense attraction might burn out and cause the relationship to end, or it may transform into a deeper or different type of love.
Philia: Philia represents love between friends, which can often be just as important as romantic love. A dispassionate virtuous love was a concept addressed and developed by Aristotle in his Nicomachean Ethics Book VIII. It includes deep loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship. Ancient Greeks thought this kind of love was better than eros because it represented love between people who considered themselves equals. Philia can mean love between equals, love connected with the mind, and love between people who have shared hard times. This comes from the Greek philosopher Plato (hence the idea of platonic friendships). Plato’s idea of platonic love came from his belief that physical attraction wasn’t a necessary part of love, and anyone who’s experienced philia will know that friendship love can still be powerful.
Ludus: Ludus is a playful and affectionate type of love. This might mean the love and excitement you feel when you have a crush on someone or when you’re first getting to know them. This love is not to be taken too seriously. The ludic lover retains a partner only as long as the partner is interesting and amusing. Ludus can mean flirting and teasing in the early stages of a relationship but it can also refer to the playful affection between friends and between children.
Agape: means love in modern-day Greek. The term s’agapo means I love you in Greek. The word agapo is the verb I love. It generally refers to a “pure” ideal type of love, rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. Agape is a spiritual kind of love, involving enormous empathy. This kind of love means that we accept, forgive and trust others. Plus, the concepts of charity and sacrifice within agape can be thought of as ‘the highest form of love. The highest of the types of love as it is the divine love that comes from God. As God is love itself, it means Agape love is perfect, unconditional, and pure love.
Pragma: Pragma means long-lasting love. It’s a love that has endured and matured over time, and has meaning. This kind of love often involves compromises from both people in the relationship, as well as patience and tolerance – and the focus is more on staying in love, rather than just falling in love. Pragma is the result of action on both sides of the relationship; it involves people who make agreements and stick to them, and who put the relationship first.
Philautia: Self-love was actually a concept conceived far back in the time of the ancient Greeks. Philautia refers to self-love or self-compassion, and the Greeks thought that loving yourself meant you had a wider capacity to love others. Aristotle is thought to have said: “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.” However, the Greeks knew that there was a negative type of self-love too, in the form of self-obsessed narcissism. But it’s possible to healthily love yourself without being narcissistic.
Storge: Storge is the Greek word describing family love, the naturally developing bond between parents, siblings, and family members. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Storge refers to love between family members. It builds a feeling of safety, security and support for one another, as well as the joy that comes from having shared memories. It describes the naturally developing affectionate bond between parents, siblings, and family members. As well as the love between family members, Storge can also describe a feeling of patriotism or allegiance, whether it’s to your country or even to a sports team.
Mania: Mania is a combination of eros and ludus and is characterized with extreme highs and lows. It is a jealous and obsessive kind of love that is frequently troubled and intense. It often involves feelings of codependency, or the feeling that another person will heal and complete you. We now consider these behaviors to be symptoms of an unhealthy or a toxic relationship, rather than being a positive kind of love.
Xenia: hospitality was an extremely important practice in ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and his guest, who could previously have been strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was expected to repay only with gratitude. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek mythology—in particular, Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey.
Eternal Love: Eternal love is a more recent ideal form of love that became popular during the Medieval period. Eternal love is that love that does not die or wither with time. Eternal love is a love that transcends physical death. All of us are the product of millennia of love. Our ancestors by blood and ritual have in some way created the DNA that weaves throughout our bodies. The love between two beings, separated only by physical death, is the kind that poets wax lyrics about. There can be other variables in the equation of life, but eternal love remains constant.
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