I received a very interesting question at work this week and I thought I might share it with you. The question came from a non-practitioner who was interested in knowing if there were any side effects that could happen to her if she did a fidelity spell on another person for another person. Definitely a loaded question with a lot of layers to unpack! However, where does one start with that? I asked her about the spell she was interested in doing and how it pertained to that person and we had to have a bit of a talk about how magic works and is the spell even worth doing.
I think it is wonderfully admirable to want to help a friend out and improve her relationship but how much does the man want to change? Fidelity often means complete commitment, trust, and respect usually to one person. To me, there is no such thing as ‘accidently cheating’. A man doesn’t just trip and fall into a vagina. So when doing a spell like this, does the man want to change? Does he even have the CAPACITY for change? There are many people, both men and women, who find commitment to be something beyond their abilities. Some may go about open relationships or polyamorous relationships to cope successfully or have many failed relationships throughout their life if they are unsuccessful. Love is a difficult thing to classify anyways but when we bring societal expectations, falling OUT of love, and unhealthy toxic relationships into the mix, it becomes even more difficult.
I also asked her would making this man act monogamous improve the relationship enough to be worth keeping the relationship? Because if him cheating isn’t the only issue, then a fidelity spell isn’t going to fix it. If he is also sloppy, disrespectful, doesn’t contribute to the home, takes out anger on the person, or a myriad of other red flags, then just doing a fidelity spell will not make that relationship much better. Are they a couple that breaks up and gets back together every other month or even every other week? It is definitely something to consider.
My next question to her was just about love languages. It seems so simple and silly but it matters. If my husband came to me with lots of gifts, that’s great and all but that isn’t my love language. I would have the same reaction to him giving me one flower, to him buying me a car, to him taking me on a surprise get away. I appreciate the effort. But for me it is quality time and words of affirmation. I want you to talk to me, really talk to me, and communicate effectively. I want us to share our problems and fix them. I hate silent treatment and I will not tolerate disrespectful words just to be as cruel as possible in the situation to feel on top. I want to spend time with you. I don’t want to sit there gaming for hours on end staring at a screen. My husband loves gaming but that doesn’t mean I want to watch him game. That isn’t quality time to me. Going out to dinner and then both of us sitting on our phones isn’t quality time. I want us to spend that time, take pictures, try new things, and laugh and make memories.
A spell won’t fix a complete lack of love communication. It isn’t a miracle worker. You have to know what love is for that person but communication is a two way street. They have to know what love is for you as well. Just because you know they love food and you cook amazing meals for them, if they don’t realize you need physical touch and just thank you but go watch TV instead of giving you a hug for your effort, that relationship isn’t going to be saved by a seven day magic spell.
On a final note, the person has to want to change for the better. Spells are amazing and can go a long way to bringing joy into your life but without that additional effort from the person the spell is for, nothing will change. If you do a spell for health, how are you going to get better if you don’t go to the hospital or take your medicine be it pharmaceutical or all natural? If you do a prosperity spell, how are you going to bring in money if you never leave your house or call out of work or refuse to apply for jobs? Same thing in this case. Love is a capricious thing and it the person at the end of the spell does not have the capacity to change and love someone, one someone, unconditionally, your magic will fall short.
Just some food for thought I wanted to share, especially to those new witches out there. This could even apply to those who have been deep in the craft for a long time but do not often do spells for others.
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