This post is a little different from my others. Not as much informational as an explanation (which may be helpful for newer witches in the broom closet) as to why I converted to witchcraft and why it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. This is my spiritual journey and how I was able to redefine myself. I am sure many witches can relate to this but I also hope that this may help some of you who are new baby witches or still in the broom closet. We all have to start somewhere and I started (outwardly) practicing at the age of 25. Some people are lucky to be 3rd or 4th generation witch but not everyone is born into it. Some of us, like me, find our way there on our own.
In the last few years, I have seen many articles about millennials turning from Abrahamic religions. Why is this? For me it was simple. I grew up in a very relaxed Lutheran household. There was never any pressure for religion and my family and I always joked about being Chreasters (Only went to church on Christmas and Easter). And because of this, a lot of people ask me why I made the switch. Why did I decide to practice? If it was so relaxed and easy, why did I leave Christianity far behind for a religion that is the complete opposite of its teachings? Per one article “The number of witches and Americans practicing Wicca religious rituals increased dramatically since the 1990s, with several recent studies indicating there may be at least 1.5 million witches across the country.” A lot of people may be in the broom closet considering their own situation and wondering what will push them over the edge to becoming an outwardly practicing pagan or full on witch. So here is why I converted all those years ago.
Just because I was in a relaxed religious environment does not mean that particular religion suited me or my spiritual needs. While our church, despite being in the deep south and was actually very friendly and open, I never felt truly comfortable. I was always nervous and uncomfortable and I never knew why. I had no explanation. I went to church to be with my (amazing) mother, not because I wanted to. Christianity did not speak to me. A lot of the information I was given seemed impossible or contradictory. (Ex: Noah’s Ark or talking donkeys) Even as a child, I have always been ruled by logic. That didn’t speak logically to me.
I will never forget in middle school when I and a “friend” were walking to class one morning and she was explaining her religious views. After she finished, I began saying my thoughts and opinions and she slapped me so hard my pony tail fell out and just said “NO” before she kept walking to class.
This is just one of many bad experiences I have had. I was in the broom closet for a good 3 or 4 years from college onward feeling drawn to it but wondering if it was for me. I would delve a little more and more into paganism and it just seemed RIGHT. It felt comfortable. Lots of the herbal remedies could be actually explained. The main ingredient in aspirin comes from the willow tree and many other plants that contain salicylic acid. Native Americans would create willow bark tea for those in pain and it worked. My logic based mind could accept this! I still lived at home at this time. While I wasn’t afraid of my parents judging me, I wasn’t sure how they would take it either. So I opted not to talk about it or say anything to anyone just in case.
What made me eventually start to practice? Eventually, after college I moved out and it gave me the freedom to really express myself, delve into the craft, and figure out what it meant for me. In my new dormitory residence, no one judged me. I identified as pagan because I hadn’t quite found what I liked at that point. No one knew what a pagan was so I would sometimes say Wiccan and people were accepting of that too. I attended about 8 earth based religious gatherings and I LOVED it. I felt comfortable at every single one of them. It was different but not uncomfortable.
Eventually, I moved out and was on my own and that is when it REALLY took off for me. I tried a few spells and they actually seemed to work. I began picking up more and more magical texts and objects to fuel my curiosity. I kept it somewhat subdued in the dorm because I didn’t want to make my roommates uncomfortable since they were so accepting. Now, anything goes if you come to my house. I have a huge altar that is visible right when you walk in. I have voodoo dolls for prosperity and protection hanging on my fire mantel. I have a mortar and pestle on my kitchen counter ready for herb grinding which happens a lot along with a Wiccan cook book my Pagan cousin got me for Yule. I have books on witchcraft displayed openly. But most importantly, my mental health has never been better. I felt accepted, I had a creative outlet with crafts, spells, and writing, and I had a way to help me get what I wanted/ needed in life through spells and meditation.
Unfortunately, around this time I also found that not all Pagans are the same. The second outright Pagan I ever made friends with is someone I have now had blocked on every social media platform for years. She was someone that I can now see basically just tries too hard to convince everyone she is spiritual and Wiccan. She would talk about God but then thank the goddess. She would make references to the Bible and then talk about the 3 fold law. She would judge a LOT and complain about everyone and everything but then talk about love and light. She brought crystals to work but her house was covered in crosses which she said were for her husband. I don’t know any man that decorates their house with over 30 crosses…. It was almost like she tried too hard to be Wiccan so that everyone would think she was bohemian and spiritual and cool but in reality, she was very unhappy, hated the job, and was struggling and unable to let go of her ties to Christianity which likely led her to feeling guilt in her practice of either religion.
I went to her house for woman’s moon circle which was a lot of fun. I was super new to the practice and I was very excited to be part of a coven. After going to one single moon circle, she kept putting off for months my coming back. She would say they were cancelled or that she was sick or that she would be out of town for it. Eventually, I got her to come out and say what was really wrong. She told me I had a black aura. She said that I was evil and that she didn’t want me to come to her home anymore unless I changed for her and then maybe she would let me back in to their circle. She told me I was a monster because I didn’t want children in my future. (I knew from a young age that it just wasn’t for me). And all of it she was too cowardly to say to my face. She said it through text. And even after that, at work she would pretend for the next 4 years that everything was normal and that she hadn’t said such horrible things to me. That moment was a turning point for me. I have always preferred solitary practice to a coven since then.
For the last 6 and a half years, I have happily practiced witchcraft and openly told people my views. I practiced for another 3 or 4 years secretly before that. I am now technically at about 10 years and I am genuinely happy and spiritually fulfilled. My parents know, my friends know, every boyfriend I have had knows. All have been accepting. Looking back, I wish that I had given myself the opportunity to outwardly practice sooner. With 1.5 million practicing witches across the U.S., witchcraft now has more followers than the 1.4 million mainline members of the Presbyterian church and I am proud to be one of them. I hope this has helped some of the baby witches and those who may still be in the broom closet. Mine was a very long journey of self discovery. No, not everyone will be accepting, but you should make sure to surround yourself with those who support you in every aspect of your life and won’t judge you on your spiritual needs. That is how you stifle a part of your spirit in the worst way. Best of luck to everyone out there practicing whatever religion speaks to their soul!
Why did you start practicing? Tell me in the comments below!
From our altar to yours, with love from the sea,
